So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it
Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame
Here’s the ones I came up with so far
“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”
“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”
“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”
“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”
“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”
Catholic edition:
“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”
“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”
So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street
I don’t know who Megan Kelly is but I wanna piss her off
dis bitch
“Verifiable fact” 😭😂
I’d PISS ON HER tbh
btw Saint Nicholas, whom Santa Claus is based on, was a black guy
and we don’t know exactly what jesus looked like, but here’s an artistic reconstruction of an average 20-something male from his ethnic group at the time
DOES THIS LOOK FUCKING WHITE TO YOU
I want this post everywhere
jesus was represented more or less accurately as an ethnically jewish arab man up until the reign of pope alexander vi, in the late 15th century. since he was viciously persecuting roman jews during this time, alexander wanted to make them less sympathetic to the public, and did so in part by ordering that portrayals of jesus be based off of his son, cesare borgia.
the reason “jesus is white” is because someone purposefully attempted to alter the perception of history to benefit his goal of persecuting a targeted ethnic group.
One time in class we were talking about abortion and most of the girls talking were pro-choice and it was a generally calm discussion then one of the pro-life boys used the phrase
“if a girl is stupid enough to get herself pregnant in the first place-“
saddest breakfast: didn’t have time to eat before work so i made an instant oatmeal cup with hot water from the office keurig except the water that comes out of the keurig isn’t QUITE boiling so there’s still like. some bite. to the oats.
SCREAM my fucking coworker just came into my office and told me there’s donuts in the workshop i’m going to lose my mind!!! i already ate the oats!!!!!!!!
Assigned Horse At Breakfast
this is the worst thing anyone has ever said to me. thank you
sawbones: listen to justin be an gleeful idiot while his perfect impeccable radiant doctor wife sydnee tells you about all the ways people convinced each other to do stupid things in the hopes we would escape death
shmanners: listen to travis be a gleeful doofus while his amazing pristine bubbly organized wife teresa tells you how to be a human and not an asshole, and the history of this in practice
wonderful: listen to griffin be a gleeful dorkus supreme while his smart soft lovely literature lady wife rachel talks about things that she likes 🙂
Listen to these boys be very very in love while their wives say real smart things
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